Why It’s So Damn Hard to Take a Shower (and What to Do About It)

Lloyd Taylor
Jul 30
3 min read

Struggle to do basic things like showering or eating? You’re not lazy. Here's why your brain resists simple tasks—and what DBT says to try.

young women hold their hear looking overwhelmed — “It’s not about willpower. It’s about activation.”

Let’s Be Real

Taking a shower shouldn’t be hard. It’s 10 minutes. You’ve done it a thousand times.

But when your nervous system is fried, and your dopamine’s off-balance, It feels impossible.

You tell yourself:

“I’ll do it in 5 minutes.”
“I’ll just scroll for a bit first.”
“I’ll start after I eat.”Two hours later, you’re still in the same hoodie from yesterday.

Why This Happens (From a DBT and ADHD Lens)

Showering is a transition task. That means:

You’re stopping one thing (sitting, scrolling, numbing)
You’re starting another (getting up, undressing, turning on water)

This requires activation energy, which is harder when your brain is:

Overstimulated
Depressed
Emotionally dysregulated
Lacking dopamine
In freeze mode

People with ADHD, CPTSD, BPD, or burnout don’t just procrastinate for fun.

They’re often in emotion mind or shutdown.

Your brain says:

“I need relief right now, not effort.”

What Makes It Worse

Phones hijack dopamine. Showers feel boring by comparison.
Perfectionism tells you if it’s not a full routine, why bother?
Overwhelm turns simple steps into a mental obstacle course.

You’re not avoiding hygiene. You’re avoiding the discomfort of starting.

What DBT Says: Try Opposite Action

In DBT, Opposite Action means doing the thing your emotions are trying to avoid—if it’s safe and effective.

If your brain says: “Don’t bother. You’re disgusting anyway.”

You say: “That’s not facts. I’ll just stand under water for 1 minute.”

It doesn’t have to be a perfect routine.It has to be opposite.

This interrupts shame. It gives you momentum.

Try This Instead

When you catch yourself delaying the shower:

Label the urge “Avoidance.” “Overwhelm.” “Freeze. ”Naming it pulls you out of emotion mind.
Scale it downDon’t commit to a full wash.Say: “I’ll rinse off for 30 seconds.”Start with socks off. Water on. Done is better than perfect.
Remove frictionSet a timer. Lay out clean clothes. No phone in the bathroom.You’re not punishing yourself. You’re supporting yourself.
Use DBT’s TIP or PLEASE skillsTIP: splash cold water on your face before you startPLEASE: check if you're hungry, tired, overstimulated—fix that first

It’s Not a Motivation Problem. It’s a Regulation Problem.

You’re not lazy.You’re dysregulated.

Your brain isn't designed for clean transitions when you’re overloaded. That’s not weakness. That’s a nervous system issue.

You need scaffolding, not shame.

Start Here

Don’t aim for flawless hygiene. Aim for action—even if it’s clumsy, messy, or incomplete.

Put water on your skin. Feel human again.

That’s the point.

Want support in real time?

Type “Opposite Action Shower” into Elara. She’ll walk you through it step by step.

No judgment. No pressure. Just help that fits your brain.

Written by Lloyd Taylor

Founder of DBT Support Hub. Lloyd blends lived experience of ADHD, trauma, and emotional dysregulation with formal training in peer work, DBT, and motivational interviewing. He currently works in Canberra and is completing a Bachelor of Social Work at Charles Sturt University.

APA 7 References

Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Kooij, J. J. S., et al. (2019). Updated European Consensus Statement on diagnosis and treatment of adult ADHD. European Psychiatry, 56, 14–34. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eurpsy.2018.11.001

Fleming, A. P., et al. (2015). DBT skills training for ADHD among college students. Journal of Attention Disorders, 19(3), 260–271. https://doi.org/10.1177/1087054712457032

van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin Books.